You Break My Heart, But Then Again You Break Everyone's Heart

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:44:29 GMT

I don't know about anyone ever.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 02:00:24 GMT

it doesn't matter how long they are away..

..they always come back into your life.

damn them mr. bigs

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:13:35 GMT

I dont know why you do this
I dont know why they all do it

in or out.

you picked
so
let me deal and be done.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 03 May 2009 17:09:25 GMT

I really don't understand how soo many stressful situations can occur so frequently.

I'm really about ready to give up.

whenever I talk about things i start crying
I'm so incredibly stressed and frustrated and sad and...

I'm not very hopeful
I'm not anything

I don't know what to do.
My options are limited and they all suck.
I can never get ahead
each time i figure out a solution to a problem
something else happens

at least its nice out today

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:55:19 GMT

everybody is an asshole

I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright ,Can't say I'm sad to see you gom cause I'm not

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 05:20:47 GMT

I don't know who you are now.

I don't know what I'm doing.

My mom is in town and it is really nice to see her.
It is never enough time.

Good things have happened this week.
I was feeling really good
Now it has worn off.

Now I just feel blank.

Tomorrow I'll be pumped.

Mac and Cheese night

No work monday is awesome!

again,
dating is weird.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 19:45:23 GMT

I've had a really good week
aside from
losing my license
and not getting much sleep
I got to see brooke a lot
and some reaally cute boys

we watched the final four game and then partied state style
we went to cedarfest
drunk brooke made me get pictures with cops

nobody got tear gassed!:)

I wish I could shower daily
that would make life easier
money, too.
I really really need to buy my books for school.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:32:00 GMT

uuhhm
dating is weird

ive been spending a lot of time at brookes
we don't have water at our house
im exhausted in many different ways
my mom comes to visit over easter
im currently not speaking to my dad

yeah.
thats probably it.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 04:03:32 GMT

drive
work
drive
shower
sleep

drive
work
drive
shower
sleep

that sounds like all that I do is work.
No, all that I do (and wanna do) is sleep.

I've really been enjoying work lately, though.

It is almost Thursday
which means almost Friday
which means a lot more sleeping.

Maybe I'll hang out with my friend Josh tomorrow.
I'll probably be too tired.

Time to get organized and get out.

I miss my sister.

Word on the street is our center has a very good chance of closing this summer.
cool.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:19:58 GMT

I am in New Mexico.
I have to go home tomorrow.
I don't want to leave.
I don't want to go home to stress.

We didn't get to get our tattoos because everything closed early and we don't have enough time in the morning

uhm
i am okay without you

uhm
when i get home cayla wont be there and im sad about it

my mom is staying here until july:/
BUT she is visiting in April

Lindsay is MAYBE visiting in JUNE

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 07:31:56 GMT

#0 randoms things about Emma.

yay:)

1. I really enjoy naps.
2. I could eat chicken every day of my life.
3. I treat my dog like a person.
4. I have moved roughly every 3-4 months since August of 2007.
5. I want to go to Disney World reeaally bad.
6. I have a dent on the end of my nose.
7. I spend most of my money on things that are "cute".
8. I like giving gifts.
9. I enjoy coloring pictures for people.
10. I love purple tulips, and I've only ever had them once.
11. I'm in a hurry to grow up.
12. I don't want to get older.
13. I yawn when I'm really nervous.
14. I hate my smile.
15. I've always felt uncomfortable around my dad's side of the family.
16. I want 4 kids...at least.
17. I am obsessed with Jon and Kate Plus 8.
18. I tear or cut food. I don't like biting into things.
19. I like to plan trips that I'll never go on.
20. Everybody wants to travel before the have kids, but I want to travel WITH my kids.
21. I want to volunteer in Africa.
22. If I could have 4 different careers I would.
23. I wish I was a nicer person.
24. I wish that I didn't procrastinate everything.
25. I would like it very much if my mom, my sister, and I all lived in the same state again.
26. I have all kinds of love for all kids of people but I always really love the really wrong people.
27. I have known my 2 best girl friends since I was 4.
28. I smile more at work than I do anywhere else.
29. I have an unhealthy obsession with buying housewares.
30. I'm breaking my own heart.

Just film away and let me be at ease. I, I feel fine. I'll move on, I'll go on.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 05:59:31 GMT

I'm really good at ignoring when no one is talking.
Otherwise, I'm not.
I'll get better.

I feel like I've been very busy and social lately.
We've been in the mood to go out.
Last night Cayla and I saw Slumdog Millionaire and it was veeerrry good.

I get to see my mom and sister this week. I'm excited but it would be way easier to stay excited if my work schedule wasn't completely fucked making it highly likely that I'll miss my flight. We'll see Monday. There were only two ladies that could switch with me, One said she couldn't (even though technically she could) i left a note in the other's room. I'm crossing my fingers. My shift isn't a baaadd shift...but her shift is definitely the more desirable one.

I think I'm going to start getting more gutsy and stop dodging people so much.

My birthday is next month. Weird. I think I'll probably be staying home. Everyone is going to a show in Lansing and I will have to work..

I feel like things are moving along quite nicely. I'm doing better than I ever thought I would. Pretty soon this burden won't be in my life anymore. It is weird to call it that...a burden. Unfortunately that is what it has turned into. Nothing good is or ever will come from it.

I've had a lot of good days lately.

Spring is coming:)

I've had the flu 3 times this month, though.
That is NOT ok.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 07:25:59 GMT

Don't care. Don't care. Don't care.

in other news, i might miss my flight.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:15:55 GMT

I'm sick.
I had to call in.
I never call in.
I have never called in at Kindercare.
I feel really bad because when someone calls in it always fucks up the day because every day is strategically planned out according to the teacher/child ratio and who is there on that day and when they are leaving blah blah blah.

Oh well. I had to.
Because I was sick, I didn't get my new tire. Luckily I don't work until 1 tomorrow so I have time to get it before work. I hope I don't feel sick tomorrow. I feel much better than I did this morning but still feel not well. Cayla is coming over anyway so we can work on Valentines.

I feel dizzy.
I want to eat.
I don't know what to eat.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to hang out with my friend Josh.
It sounded like a good idea at the time but now..
I feel like I have a lot to do.
I'm always so tired when I get home from work. I just want to sleep.

Valentine's Day is going to be nice.
Friday is Friendship Day at work. I don't know why they felt the need to call it that. I think it is because they didn't want any parents to think it was a Valentine's Party because they didn't want them to show up....sooo we aren't calling it a party and there isn't a specific time for anything.
BUUUTTTT I bought Disney Princess Valentine's for whatever class I'm in. :)

I don't date.
I don't go on dates.
I'm date-free

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 03:51:15 GMT

pretty soon i will just feel nothing.

no feelings
good or bad

oh well.

i sleep too much

oh well.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:07:49 GMT

The valentine's that we are making are turning out waaayyy better than expected.

However, I don't think that anyone can appreciate them as much as cayla and me.

Oh well.
I love making things for people.

David's is going to be kind of morbid though.

:)
This is going to be a really good week.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:58:36 GMT

Hi, my name is: Emma

Never in my life have I been to: cedar point

I hate it when: my feet cant get warm

If your gonna talk smack about me: I'll probably be sad

The one person who can drive me nuts is: Moooosstt people can drive me nuts

The last song I listened to was: I really don't know. Wait- yes I do. The Slipknot CD

If you were to get married today ur maid of honor/best man would be: prrrooobably my sissy. Evveenn though she got married without telling anyone so I couldnt be herrrss. If she flaked out , cayla or brookie baby

My hair is: too long

When I was 5: I think I had...really horrible hair

Last Christmas: was stupid

I should be: doing so many things

When I look down: my dinner dishes

The happiest recent event was: Hm. uh going to Ikea with cayla

My current annoyance is: not being 21

I have a hard time: playing it cool

There's this girl that i know: who runs like an anorexic horse

The thing I want to buy is: another turtle

If you visited the place I'm from: Its snowy and small

Most recent thing I've bought myself: gas, but i guess thats for my car soooo i bought eugene and myself olive garden on sunday
NO!!!!! I bought my Benny and Joon/ Man in the Moon double feature!

Most recent thing someone else bought me was:josh bought me dinner

My middle name is: Elizabeth

In the morning: I dont get enough done

Last night I was: hung out with cayla and talked and fell asleep watching the office

If I was an animal I'd be: something that is fun.

Tomorrow I am: working

Tonight I am: staying in my bed

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 13:51:17 GMT

I've decided to get my CDA. Work pays for it, I'll get a raise, and I'll be a lead teacher. I start the 4 month process in March.

I am supposed to be getting my stuff out of storage this weekend. Finally.

I cut myself and now I can't bend my finger. Ouch.

Cayla is my Valentine.

I get to see my mom and sister and little baby Pune at the end of the month.

I feel like I'm doing really well.

Movin' on and movin' up.

accepting things for what they are
and getttinnnggg oovveerrr it.

I sleep a lot.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 02:36:25 GMT

Last night Cayla and Josh came over and I'm so glad because I had such a nice time.

They had an intervention. I cried. I tried really really hard not to but I couldn't help it. I love them both so much. More than they know. Josh bought me dinner ( like he always does) and we came home and they had a wine party and I had a coca cola party.

Whenever Josh comes over we always talk about our futures. We are attempting to plan a trip to New York in April. He is trying to find out where he wants to go to grad school. I am terrified to go to New York because I know that I will absolutely fall in love with it.

I've decided that I'm going to get my CDA. My work will pay for it and it only takes like 6 months. I'll get a raise and my boss said when I'm a teacher its like bragging rights. Plus, I really want my own room.

Last night Josh asked if Chris ever tries to contact me. I told him yes, but then realized it has been a while. Well, this afternoon while cayla and I were still laying in bed....I get a text.
leaaavvvee meee alone

I'm sick today

I need to put my foot down, and take some of myself back...

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 03:57:17 GMT

uugghhhhhhhh.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:37:47 GMT

I can't wait for this month to be over. I just want to move and get settled. I want to have money to buy a bed. I want to get my stuff out of storage. I want school to start. I want more hours at work. I want a routine.
I miss having a routine.

I want to feel like I'm getting things done.
I want to feel like I'm not at a standstill.
I want to feel like this year will be better.

Last year was my year of recovery.
This year will be my year of progress.
However, I will say that this first week of my "year of progress"
hasn't gone well. It could have been worse I think. I think it will be. It will get worse before it gets better. It always does. I just need to prepare myself for it.

Brooke is 21 today.
We're all old.

I need to start making some goals.

I also need to stop wishing and hoping and dreaming. I need to focus on the things that I can control the outcome of. The wishing and hoping and dreaming just winds up letting me down.

Still a hopeless romantic though. That's never going to change.
Uhm
hm.
I need a vacation?

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:12:24 GMT

a date?

weird.

new year
new/old me

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 07:29:21 GMT

uhm
its a new year
who fucking knows what it has in store

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 00:09:11 GMT

I'm on a vacation
from life
for the next day and a half
and I'm okay with that.
vveerryy okay with that.

blisstearingeyes22@hotmail.com — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 05:36:45 GMT

this weekend has been like
im
16 all over again

and also like im an old woman.

we planned a whole weekend for baking, gift making, wrapping presents and shopping.
Though we have gotten most everything done, we have spend MOST of our time laying on the pull-out couch watching season two of felicity and talking about excuses I could have for not going to my family christmas party so I can stay and watch more felicity and bake more cookies and collage.

but seriously
what a good weekend.

Oh
and Chris randomly texted me tonight
every couple of months this happens
you would think by now hed just leave me alone